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“I have woken up to find the world has shifted, moved, aged and I with it.” — Weight of Whispers, Yvonne Owour
Pausing to Notice
It’s hard to tell whether I’m a good judge of character. Perhaps this is because I avoid fully testing my instincts, or because relationships themselves are complex, shaped by context, and constantly changing. But when I pause—when my whole system comes to a standstill, to listen, smell, savour, feel, and embody the moment—I notice something important.
This heightened awareness of people and context is matched by a deep mind–body attunement that is physical, reflexive, and sensory. It’s a way of feeling into the other, not forcefully, but with empathy. In these moments, judgment is set aside, yet the risk of engagement is fully acknowledged. A subtle sense of alignment—a resonance between self and other—begins to emerge, and the relationship starts to transform into a journey.
When Judgment Is Tested
Of course, not all relationships work out as hoped. Sometimes judgment is blamed for the disappointment that follows. This can give way to a futile game of if only I had done this or if only I had said that. At other times, it sparks a motivation to change the other person’s character—or worse, an impulse to undo or reject what was misjudged. This is where a true judge of character is tested.
What happens next? So often, the easiest thing to do is to walk away—easier when a relationship has only just been seeded, far more difficult when it has sprouted so many branches that a rupture would seriously alter life as we know it.
The Role of Context, Instinct, and Time
Relationships are shaped by context. Perhaps this is where judgment is most actively exercised, as the situation itself defines what is needed. My instinct tells me I am a good judge of character—but how do I know? And is there time to find out? Sometimes, there isn’t.
In these moments, being a good judge of character isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about attuning to the situation, reading subtle signals, and navigating relationships with both awareness and humility.
